The Tale Of Sir Robin

--THE TALE OF SIR ROBIN--

Bravely bold Sir Robin
Rode forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Robin!
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!

He was not in the least bit scared
to be mashed into a pulp,
Or to have his eyes gouged out
and his elbows broken;
To have has kneecaps split,
and his body burned away!
And his limbs all hacked and mangled,
brave Sir Robin!

His head smashed in
and his heart cut out
and his liver removed
and his bowels unplugged
and his nostrils raped
and his bottom burned off
and his pen-

(At this point an increasingly apprehensive Sir Robin halts his faithful minstrels, and as King Arthur and his knights were forced (or rather inclined) to eat Robin's minstrels in the frozen land of Nador, tragically, the remaining lyrics of this song and inspiring ballad are lost forever. The closest we ever come to a conclusion to this song is the following stanza, heroically improvised (despite Sir Robin's vehement protestations) as the brave Knight of the Round Table flees... er, victoriously rides away from an encounter with the three-headed knight in the dark forest of Ewing:)

Brave Sir Robin ran away,
bravely ran away, away!
When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled,
Yes, brave sir Robin turned about,
and gallantly he chickened out,
Bravely taking to his feet,
he beat a very brave retreat,
Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin!

And later, as Sir Robin rejoins his sovereign king:

He is packing it in and packing it up
And sneaking away and buggering up
And chickening out and pssing off home
Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge...

Aha. Well done. XD